So Where Was I?
by iheartbooks4ever
Summary: This is a one-shot of the 9th Doctor's final thoughts of Rose during his last seconds before regeneration.


**Hello everyone! Yes, I'm aware of my extremely long absence from this website! I happened to be looking through files on the computer and I found this one-shot that I'd almost finished! Well, I have finished it! This is centered on the (Ninth) Doctor's thoughts before he regenerates! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this!**

**Disclaimer!: I obviously claim no rights to the fantastic people that are The Doctor and Rose Tyler! So yes, now that that is all cleared up, please read and enjoy!**

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So Where Was I?

"Rose... before I go, I just want to tell you—you were fantastic." The Doctor's eyes flickered from the ceiling of the TARDIS to where Rose stood, as he struggled to stay standing as the raw power from the Time Vortex railed against his body, trying to force him to do something he desperately wished he didn't have to do. Even though he was in tremendous pain from keeping the Vortex at bay, the Doctor forced a smile at her, at his Rose. _Just a few more seconds_, he pleaded.

Rose's mouth formed a flicker of a smile, but it wasn't enough, the Doctor could see the pain and concern in her lovely eyes.

Pain. His Rose was in pain…from watching him. "Absolutely fantastic." The Doctor said with confidence he was far from feeling. He wanted to go to her, to give her some words of comfort, to reassure her that he wasn't going to leave her entirely. Or maybe even tell her something else, about how he felt maybe? No, of course he couldn't.

The Doctor wished he could have more time with her, he didn't want to change. He wanted more time to be able to explain this to her, to explain why he was going to have to change.

He'd thought about it many times before, but he was too afraid of her reaction; too afraid of making her upset. So he bore this terrible, but necessary, burden alone all the while knowing that it could come to this one day.

And that day had come, and it was now.

_ A coward_, he thought to himself, clenching his hands to try to regain control as the sharp pain blossomed anew inside him. The Doctor knew he had only seconds left, if he didn't give in by his own choice and regenerate, the energy of the vortex would do it for him and all of that energy might hurt Rose: and hurting Rose was not an option; it never was.

His day had come, the time had come and now he wasn't ready. The Time Lord needed more time, an ironic thought. He gazed deeply into the eyes of Rose, "And do you know what…" whispered the Doctor._ Now_, he thought to himself, _I could tell her now. Just three words, and she'll know. But I won't say it. Because the moment she hears those words, all she'll feel is more pain when she finally does lose me. No, I will not tell her. I always lose them in the end._

"So was I." Three words, not the three he so desperately wanted to tell her. No, not those words, but three other words that reassured him that he had done the best he could do. He had loved Rose Tyler with all that he had in the safety of his mind, and that would have to be enough, because he could never be selfish enough to ask her to love him. Never. The Doctor smiled at Rose for what felt like the last time. He smiled for Rose, his last in this form. _Whoever I become,_ He thinks to himself,_ He better be good to her. _

Then he threw his head back and stretched his arms out wide. With the little strength and willpower he still possessed he released the energy safely back into the heart of the TARDIS. As the Doctor closed his eyes he felt the impossibly strong shockwave of power wash over him as his appearance and personality were re-written. It only took a couple seconds—seconds that felt like eons of Time passing by.

Dancing before his eyes he saw the whole of Time as the change finished. All his memories flashing before him as his self-conscience burned away into nonexistence and a new, just as brilliant one took its place.

He heard a gasp—presumably from Rose—as his new body was released from the shockwave and "Hello! Okay…New teeth. That's weird. So, where was I? Oh, that's right Barcelona!"

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**Thank you for reading! Whether you enjoyed it or not, I would love to hear what you thought of this one-shot, so I would appreciate some reviews! I'm open to constructive criticism and suggestions on how to make my writing better! Thank you, that is all!~ iheartbooks4ever**


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